Dear Ah Ma
I think its the 1 month anniversary of when you left. I can't be sure as I'm horrible with dates. But give or take a few days, I think I'm in the right range. Hello Ah Ma. Hao Ma?
All around my room are mementos of you. I have pictures of you when you were young (and gorgeous), when you were older with Gong Gong (and still dazzlingly beautiful) and when you were having to carry and entertain all sorts of babies (fat babies including myself). I have your glasses in my drawer (I didn't know you wore glasses). I have your passport photo in my iPhone case (that's weird of me, I know). I have your ring on my finger (hope you don't mind, papa said I could have it and I wanted something that I remembered you wearing).
I think about you everyday. Sometimes it's just a wistful longing - like when you miss someone and you wish they were here. Sometimes it's a dark punishing and piercing pain driven by guilt, regret and a feeling of having failed in the most extreme way. It comes and it goes - but it is here everyday, and I hope it never ends. I hope I never forget.
The night you fell sick, someone I deeply respect advised me to sing to you, keep talking, hold your hand and tell you I love you. I did everything but the last. But this, I do not regret. I know without a doubt that you understand how important you were to me and that what love I have for you could never be justified by words. You must know this.
I suppose life must go on, and so it shall. But it will be a little bit emptier in your absence. I miss you, with every piece of my heart and soul.
Say hi to Gong Gong.
Love
I think its the 1 month anniversary of when you left. I can't be sure as I'm horrible with dates. But give or take a few days, I think I'm in the right range. Hello Ah Ma. Hao Ma?
All around my room are mementos of you. I have pictures of you when you were young (and gorgeous), when you were older with Gong Gong (and still dazzlingly beautiful) and when you were having to carry and entertain all sorts of babies (fat babies including myself). I have your glasses in my drawer (I didn't know you wore glasses). I have your passport photo in my iPhone case (that's weird of me, I know). I have your ring on my finger (hope you don't mind, papa said I could have it and I wanted something that I remembered you wearing).
I think about you everyday. Sometimes it's just a wistful longing - like when you miss someone and you wish they were here. Sometimes it's a dark punishing and piercing pain driven by guilt, regret and a feeling of having failed in the most extreme way. It comes and it goes - but it is here everyday, and I hope it never ends. I hope I never forget.
The night you fell sick, someone I deeply respect advised me to sing to you, keep talking, hold your hand and tell you I love you. I did everything but the last. But this, I do not regret. I know without a doubt that you understand how important you were to me and that what love I have for you could never be justified by words. You must know this.
I suppose life must go on, and so it shall. But it will be a little bit emptier in your absence. I miss you, with every piece of my heart and soul.
Say hi to Gong Gong.
Love