Reasons Why I Am Sibeh Sien

1. Beliligerent Kaki I want to join the Genting Trailblazer, but my usual kaki is being very belligerent and a bit of a wuss due to concerns about drowning. '-_- So now I'm sibeh sien because I have no kaki.

2. Work Sucks My work is so boring. In fact, I have spent the whole morning researching Brangelina, Chris Noth and downloading Chinese mp3s. This is however not strictly because I have nothing to do, but because if I have to amend that &*&*@#^$) presentation one more time, I'm going start stabbing people with my sharp but deadly mechanical pencil. It would be a bloodbath, and everyone would either bleed to death or die from lead poisoning. So I'm procrastinating. Also my intern told me, " I don't know how you can do this. I'm here for 4 weeks and my brain is already numb. No offense!". But now he is gone and I cannot take revenge for saying those painful but true words by giving him more mind numbing crap to do. So now I'm sibeh sien because my work is so damn boring 

  3. Betta Has Left The Country Betta is in Sydney for two months because she is hiding from our local Internal Revenue Department for not filing her taxes during her last two income generating years. Actually this is not true. She is in Sydney because of this. Actually this is not true either. She is in Sydney because she got a fellowship thing for her achievement in art. And she will be there for two months. Which means that I've lost my rubbish kaki who hangs out with me and puts up with my Paleolitic humour and bad dress sense. So now I'm sibeh sien because my rubbish kaki has left the country and will not be coming back for two months.

Dog mauls newest family member to death

Dog punished with a stern "NO" and "BAD GIRL". Giraffe survives the attack.

On another note I was really sad to hear about the 74 year old man who got mauled to death by a pit bull. What an extremely gruesome way to die after living through the British, communist and the variety of morons we had as prime ministers (some, not all).

 I looked at my post on 1 January 2017. 

And collapsed in roaring laughter while thinking "Wait till you see what happens in 2020, 2021, 2022..."

Month 17

Hello Ah Ma!

It’s been a while. We are going through a terribly odd weather at the moment where we cycle through the day between terribly hot and horribly wet. You would not like this weather at all.

I should start out by saying I miss you. Because you know, that’s always in the back of my mind. It pops up at the oddest moments. Why just the other day, I had the most vivid dream about you and woke up in great confusion thinking I was waking up into a world where you were still within reach and then there was this time when I was walking into this meeting and suddenly an overwhelming feeling of how much I missed you hit me like a wave. The oddest moments indeed.

I feel like I should say I miss Gong Gong too. And its true, I do. But I miss you more, and that is the truth.

I wrote a lot more, and then deleted it. But I figured you would have heard me anyway.

Love you always

The Ring

I wear your ring and I shall not apologise for it. It may not match my clothes, the season or the situation, but I wear it anyway. I wear it because I miss you, with a great deep longing that is hard to describe. It may not match my clothes, the weather, or the look I should be striving to have, but I wear it. Because I miss you. And I love you. And I remember you. Always. 

Rorenriness

Day 9.
Rorenriness is setting in. Turns out there is only so much alone time that I as an introvert require. "What? That's Impossible!" You say. "You like having me time" You say. Yes I eat my words now. I miss home, my family, my friends and my little dogsies.

Have spent last 2 days more or less on couches and beds binge watching Netflix and Amazon Prime. The only saving grace is that it is on various couches in my dorm and also in my brother's house. So yes. I did shower and get out of the house on various occasions.

Well. Actually to be fair, I also went to a nice little Farmer's Market in Sunnyvale to EAT OYSTERS FOR BREAKFAST. Yes people in California do that. And I went to a comic store to buy a graphic novel, and also to a local grocery store to look at all the many things in the world that I should not be eating.

Today I bought tickets to go to Los Angeles. Whoot! HARRY POTTER HERE I COME. Of course it is also to see my great friend Alice, and not so much to visit the WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER, where I shall BUY WANDS, DRINK BUTTERBEER and join the house of HUFFLEPUFF. It's definitely to see Alice. Right. 

Oh. My. Good. God.

Oh my god. I am literally the OLDEST student at "summer school". The class comprised of 10-12 students of which there was 1 undergraduate, 1 graduate student, me and high school students, including juniors - which roughly means the equivalent of FORM 4. WTF.

First of all, I wasn't terribly nervous going in. I mean. I'm a adult. I draw a salary. I own an apartment. I have a driving license. I have my own netflix account. Seriously - I eat high school students for breakfast.

This lasted for all of 5 minutes during class, at which point in time my professor saw it fit to ask an open question around "Give me your thoughts on Water; Properties, Processes, Projects and Problems". My first thought was - that is not MECE.

Then, all this high school studies start shouting out random words like "Solvents" and "Molecules" and "Greenhouse Gas" and "Water is the only substance that exists in all three states (gas, liquid and solid) at temperatures at which human can exist". My contribution - because you get graded on something called Class Participation - was "Water Treatment". When that brain fart left my mouth, I wanted to crawl under the desk and die.

I was also like OMFG - I need to get the fuck out of here, because all these people are Overachieving Monsters. There was a guy in front of me taking copious notes on his Mac. I mean WHAT NOTES WERE THERE TO TAKE? The professor was showing us PICTURES.

Then we had the Spotlight Moment, where they asked everyone to go around to introduce themselves. I was the last. After 11 people talking about how they are seniors and juniors in high school who really wanted to study water because they are so passionate about the environment. I introduced myself as the "Oldest Student in Class" who thought this was the "Most interesting course on the summer list". This great show of wittiness was met with dead silence.

***
In any case, it has been great so far. I have cycled so much that my ass hurts. Now time to huddle under the covers and watch ANOTHER SEASON OF HERCULE POIROT.

Best holiday ever

The mysterious uncle

My uncle passed away. To my knowledge, he was very old. I have never met this man, as he left for Taiwan before I was born, and mysteriously came back a few years ago for reasons unknown to me. My mother claims I have met that "side of the family" - she says it in the hushed tones when you talk about things you would rather not have to talk about. It is all very intriguing and mysterious to me and leads me to think - 'This Is A Man Who Had An Exciting Life'.

In true family form, the information of his passing came, and very quickly descended into the following:

1. A heated phone argument with mother about whether to fly or take a bus back to Penang due to "flying being very expensive", apparent "flight phobias", "nobody will pick us up from the airport", "cannot find IC, so cannot book flights". This is a debate between a 2 hour end to end journey by flight, and 5 hour end to end journey by bus. Why.

2. Me and father not allowed to go, as someone needs to stay behind to feed the dogs who "will die if they are not fed" followed by a detailed explanation of how the dogs need to be fed "two tins of the biscuits in big bag, mixed with half tin of the canned food, heated. No feeding them together because the fat one will steal everybody's food". It's true - the fat one is sneaky that way - I find the argument logically sound, but disproportionate to the context.

3. I give up and call my father to "sort this out".

4. Sanity prevails. I am allowed to book flights. Father and I are allowed to go for day trip and dogs will not die as they will be fed and watered in the morning and we will be back in the evening.

5. A flurry of whatsapp messages with cousin about who is going back to Penang (everybody!) and where we will eat (everywhere!). A voice in my brain asks myself if such glee is appropriate for a funeral and is promptly ignored

6. A flurry of whatsapp messages with my brother saying he would like to send flowers. Mother shuts that shit down. She says "Send money. We are not white people". I secretly message cousin to give me the address of funeral as I remember funeral parlors without flowers being quite sad.

7. I come home early thinking my mother may need someone to be around in case... Mother eyes me suspiciously as I sneak in at 130PM; "Why are you home early?" She seems fine, and more anxious about me being home early than her brother having just passed away. I do not belabor the point.

That's me day.

The uncle mystery

Today I heard that my uncle has passed away. He was the eldest of seven children, my mother's brother. He is a mystery to me, having never met him my entire life. He left before I was born to Taiwan, and came back not too many years ago. And now he is gone.

It started with a short curt message on his demise, and quickly transitioned to:

1. Irrational arguments about taking the bus versus plane on account of planes being "very expensive", aunts having "plane phobias" and "nobody can pick us up from the airport"

Month 4

Dear Ah Ma

How fast time flies. You left us. And here we are now.

It's Qing Ming again. Pa and I have NOT made it back to see you. We should should should. We went a little earlier just to make sure the gravestone was in order. It looked fine to me, but to be honest, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. On the way back he suggested that we stop by Tayton View to eat the beef noodles - but really - I think we all wanted to go and say hi to the house, and reminisce.

You know what? Gong gong's sign is back! Look! How cool? So they've now opened a little coffee shop restaraunt where Gong Gong used to run his trading business (or the Cave of Many Tasty Biscuits) downstairs from where you used to live. Papa also told me the story of why it is called Eng Nam Heng - i.e., because Gong Gong is from "Eng Chun", his business partner ("Tien Zhi Ko") is from "Nam Heong" and Heng means brothers! Apparently there was a 3rd partner who didn't quite get his name in. But you know. Sucks to be you (to him, not to you)


The sign - it is back.

And so went we went there we met Tien Zhi Ko's wife. She remembered Papa and Da Gu Jie. She looked like someone in my memory - and when she was there - I was flooded by memories of you, Gong Gong, the upstairs, the Cave of Many Taste Biscuits, running up and down the row of shophouses. I stared at her for a long time, I think it might have made her a little uncomfortable. But that's okay.

There was also the postbox. Remember this postbox? I remember the day Gong gong fixed it. WHY? So did Stupid Brother when I sent him the picture. This ugly plastic red postbox. Why do I remember it so well.


12A

I also took a picture of your gravestone - which looks very nice. But am not posting it here in case all my thousands of readers flock to it and disturb your peace.

I miss you. Always.

Goodbye and Hello!

Dear Ah Ma

I think its the 1 month anniversary of when you left. I can't be sure as I'm horrible with dates. But give or take a few days, I think I'm in the right range. Hello Ah Ma. Hao Ma?

All around my room are mementos of you. I have pictures of you when you were young (and gorgeous), when you were older with Gong Gong (and still dazzlingly beautiful) and when you were having to carry and entertain all sorts of babies (fat babies including myself). I have your glasses in my drawer (I didn't know you wore glasses). I have your passport photo in my iPhone case (that's weird of me, I know). I have your ring on my finger (hope you don't mind, papa said I could have it and I wanted something that I remembered you wearing).

I think about you everyday. Sometimes it's just a wistful longing - like when you miss someone and you wish they were here. Sometimes it's a dark punishing and piercing pain driven by guilt, regret and a feeling of having failed in the most extreme way. It comes and it goes - but it is here everyday, and I hope it never ends. I hope I never forget.

The night you fell sick, someone I deeply respect advised me to sing to you, keep talking, hold your hand and tell you I love you. I did everything but the last. But this, I do not regret. I know without a doubt that you understand how important you were to me and that what love I have for you could never be justified by words. You must know this.

I suppose life must go on, and so it shall. But it will be a little bit emptier in your absence. I miss you, with every piece of my heart and soul.

Say hi to Gong Gong.

Love